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When it comes to how you communicate and express love in your relationships, the love languages are everything. This concept, popularized by Gary Chapman in his best-selling book The Five Love Languages, is focused entirely on treating others how they want to be treated, all based on results from taking a love language test. In doing this, and understanding how to apply it, you’ll pave the way for a more productive and meaningful partnership.
To back up a bit, below, we’re going to define what a love language is, what the types of love languages are and how to know your partner’s love language. Of course, we’ll direct you to where you can go to take a love language test as well. Scroll on for more info!
What is a love language?
A love language is a concept coined by Gary Chapman. “It states that each person gives and receives love in one of the five ways,” says Renee Slansky, dating and relationship coach. Below, we’ll get more into detail on the types and how to determine yours!
What are the types of love languages?
These five methods of love-receiving are specifically categorized as the following: Quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation. Each of these are focused on five different ways that someone communicates and feels love and everyone has one or two that speak to them. By understanding both what your love language is and what the love language is of your partner and loved ones, it can help open lines of communication and help you understand the way they receive and give love.
Which love language is “the hardest”?
“The difficulty of the love languages depends on each person and their association with it,” says Slansky. “For example, some people struggle to be affectionate due to past trauma, so giving physical touch to their partner takes a mental effort. Others confuse quantity time with quality time and miss the point altogether. Acts of service is often thought to be expensive and grand gestures, when, really, it’s about the thought and care behind the action.”
Being mindful of these things can only help the process of love and communication be more beneficial. It can help you understand the needs of your partner and even your own needs when it comes to giving and receiving different types of affection.
How do I know my partner’s love language?
And, can knowing my partner’s love language help our relationship? The first step to understanding a love language—whether your partner’s or your own—is by taking a love language test. “The easiest way is to take an online quiz to find out, or have an open conversation with examples of each love language,” says Slansky.
Beyond the love language test, though, there are a few simple observations you can make to start understanding your S.O.’s language. “Try and think about the common ways [your partner] expresses love to you and responds to love given by you. Do they use positive words frequently, or are they affectionate? A little audit and an open conversation should do the trick,” Slanksy tells Lively. Ultimately, recognizing these can help pave the way for a more fruitful relationship. “Knowing how to express and receive love deeply between each other leaves little room for confusion and makes each person feel seen, heard and valued,” Slansky says. And that’s what it’s all about!
How do I know my love language?
Of course, knowing your own love language is important, too! In doing so, it benefits your own well-being, as well as others you encounter. “Knowing your own way to feel loved and how you express it to others means you have a heightened sense of self-awareness. This gives you an opportunity to communicate this to your partner or loved ones so that there is more transparency and an opportunity to build stronger relationships,” says Slansky.